October 26, 2006
‘Kay, Thanks
The phone rings. I pick up.
Me: Hello?
There’s a pause. I know what The Pause means. The Pause means I should hang up immediately, because there’s no presence until the computer hooks people up. I’ve used this for amusing disjunctive conversations in the past, but I try to keep things fresh.
Uncertain man: Hello?
Me: Yes?
Uncertain man: Is this (my name)?
Me: Yes?
Uncertain man: Hello, I’m calling from Time Warner Cable? I’m calling to let you know about our new phone?
Time Warner Cable has been obnoxious lately. In fact, they called me yesterday. And a few days before that. Everyone sounds around twentyish and inexperienced. In fact, I imagine they are people who answered the ads that read, “Make $$$ in your spare time from home!!!”
Each time they make the same mistake. They pause here. They will pause for up to about ten seconds here. What a perfect time to break in, which more experienced callers won’t let you do until they’re confirming your address.
Me: Oh, okay, thanks!
Uncertain man (flustered): Uh, sure.
Me: Bye.
Uncertain man (still flustered): Bye.
Thank goodness some people were raised with decent phone manners.
Posted by jenkins at 7:06 PM | Comments (0)
June 6, 2006
Yeah, It Freaks Me Out, Too.
I was reminded that today is 06/06/06, a phenomenon that won’t happen for another thousand years, by which time we’ll have progressed on to using symbols instead of numbers, if you believe the neo-historical travelogues of Doctor Who. Lacking basic training in Christian-based numerological superstition, I wasn’t aware that today was different than any other day, although I still grin like a five-year-old when my digital clock says “12:34”.
And then I tripped across this site which sells soft-sculpted full-head masks. Their purpose? “PhotogenicMasks have been created for anyone who desires to become a girl quickly and easily.”
I kid you not. This is the wearable equivalent of RealDolls.
For anyone who is fortunate enough not to know what a RealDoll is, I’m going to ruin it for you: It’s a full-sized female doll designed to have the look and proper fleshy feel that humans have - oh, yes, and be anatomically correct. I’m not sure which is worse: That people are buying these dolls, or that men are dressing up like them.
Everyone has their kinks, but for me it’s Furries and Plushies, all over again.
Happy Satan-Day, everybody!
Posted by jenkins at 5:03 PM | Comments (0)
January 15, 2006
Mid-Level Crawl
OMG! I just realized that I’m in the “mid-level crawl” in life, where none of the quests seem particularly interesting and the excitement of lower levels is gone, but I have to do it to get to the end-game pay-off.
I never thought life was this much like an MMORPG.
Posted by jenkins at 1:00 PM | Comments (0)
January 3, 2006
A Sense of Invasion
Whenever I get my car’s oil changed, I feel that it’s some how an invasion of privacy. Not mine, though I do have to remember to make sure to take out anything from the passenger’s side foot-well that I don’t want commented upon after the FasLube closes. No, I feel like it’s an invasion of the car’s privacy. They’re opening it up, they’re taking bits out and mulling them over and jamming them back together, seeing how it revs, and all the while the light conversation I hear sounds like a tone of disappointment. Sure my car isn’t new or perfect any more, but I wouldn’t say to anyone that isn’t dead yet: Well, at least he was a good man.
Also: FasLube isn’t as Fas as they claim. Good thing I bought a book.
Posted by jenkins at 4:53 PM | Comments (0)
November 11, 2005
Not-So Capsule Review: The Legend of Zorro
(For those unaware, sometimes I see a movie and want to either praise it or warn people about it, without - if possible - giving anything away. Plus, Stella tells me I don’t write enough.)
Synopsis:
Originally, I heard that this movie would be called Zorro’s Last Ride and I was pretty excited. I enjoyed the dark-suffering-into-something-better of the first movie, The Mask of Zorro, in much the same way that I enjoyed Batman Begins. I thought: Ahha, they’ve taken the story to the end, and we’ll see what kinds of troubles Zorro has in ending his career. That they changed the name of the movie to The Legend Of Zorro only suggests that a studio executive somewhere wants the option to continue the franchise.
The story is exactly that: What would make Zorro take off the mask for good?
The Good:
As far as I can tell, the movie's set and costuming is historically accurate, with a bit of Hollywood polish. Catherine Zeta-Jones is particularly fitting in them -- er, fits in them particularly well. Er, I mean, I like Catherine as an actress and respect her talent, when she bothers to give it. I liked it in The Mask of Zorro and I liked it here.
Antonio Banderas can probably stand around smoking a cigarette and be paid millions for being suave. In this movie, he gets drunk, despondent, angry, and comedic. He gets to be a caring father, a jealous husband and Zorro. It's not as deep or as intense as his first Zorro movie, but it's definitely, even definitively broader.
The Bad:
They've completely ignored the tone and theme of first movie. Forget you saw it, if you did. You'd be better off watching the classic Disney Zorro series to see what happened in the intervening years. What I'm saying here is that this is a family movie. (I didn't know! I swear I didn't know! Oh, God, why didn't anyone warn me?) There will be no Alejandro de la Vega standing atop a wall in his Zorro gear, in the rain, having lost everything, bleeding but still fighting on. Nope, no Dark Hero Symbolism we get in the first movie. None of it.
The Ugly:
The movie is confused as to what it really wants to be. It's like those movies that are really two TV shows thrown together and slapped on the screen. So you have three episodes of Antonio Banderas As Zorro slapped on the screen, apparently written by three different writers. Part One: Zorro v. Culture. Part Two: The Ugly West. Part Three: The Train Job. Worse than that, each part has a subtly different mood.
Defining Moment:
A drunk de la Vega sitting on a drunk horse, leaning both against a wall. This kind of thing, though rampant, was not played up near enough; don't people know slapstick is timeless? When you go comedy, go gold!
A close second was the introduction of Alejandro and Elena's son, Joaquin (pronounced "Wakeem", which confused my not-at-all-hispanic-cultured self until it was explained to me). Joaquin is a real life hero. Now we're building up an interesting mythos, something the movie itself, alas, fails to do.
Finally, the use of an obviously laser-printed symbol in an otherwise obviously hand-illuminated Bible page takes the cake as "worst use of art department ever". This is a very pretty movie to watch, which makes it all the more jarring.
Conclusion:
The Legend of Zorro is a dull, safe movie where not very exciting things happen to our daring heros. Elena (Mrs. Zorro) is not as daring as the ads make her out to be, but more daring than anything Disney would put out without being pushed. The number of deaths can be counted on one hand. I walked out of the theatre and almost immediately forgot what the movie was about.
As a family movie, however, The Legend of Zorro deserves five stars. It's safe without being too safe, calm without being too calm, and teaches rebellion as an acceptable way to either have fun or save the day. There is probably just enough black-and-white morality to make many parents happy, but enough gray to keep a kid thinking.
And not just about Zeta-Jones' corsets.
Posted by jenkins at 6:57 PM | Comments (1)
October 10, 2005
It’s got (tss tss) steam heat!
So, I burned my throat. On the inside. Thanks to some particularly hot jambalaya hitting my gag reflex, I couldn’t swallow, and I was having a hard time coughing it up, so hot cajun goodness sat in my throat for almost half a minute.
For those curious, it’s like having a really raw sore throat.
Posted by jenkins at 4:24 PM | Comments (0)
September 7, 2005
Time Warner Off the Starboard Bow
I admit it - I have more cable stations that I should. But Time Warner must know this, because they keep sending people to my door with this basic sales pitch:
“Hi! Some people in your neighborhood are getting extra channels by accident, and we would like to make it up to you to give you the next level of service free for a month if you sign up for it now.”
I was thinking maybe it was a glitch that Time-Warner’s marketing was taking advantage of while working on a solution, but this happened at my old address, too. Same situation, same door-to-door sales pitch, different area, two years later.
In the mean-time, I enjoy my daily dose of The Daily Show.
Posted by jenkins at 7:01 PM | Comments (0)
August 30, 2005
Tests from the High Seas!
From the OK Cupid test centre…
| Pure Nerd 69 % Nerd, 30% Geek, 34% Dork |
A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd.
(Is anyone surprised?)
Posted by jenkins at 10:01 AM | Comments (1)
August 24, 2005
DVDs and Things
Since this came up we present My DVD Collection. Yes, I know it’s small. I’m picky.
La Femme Nikita (also my first DVD purchase ever)
Red vs Blue: the Blood Gulch Chronicles (vols 1-3)
Black Adder - the Complete Collector's Set
Time Bandits
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (not the remastered version with the Lego Camelot)
Lord of the Rings (all three, plus the collector's box you mail in for)
The Anamatrix
The Matrix
Spirited Away
Farscape - Season One (because I'm not rich)
Galaxy Quest
Invader Zim (all three, but not the house-box or bonus DVD)
Blade Runner - Director's Cut (because it's better)
X-Men
X2 - X-Men United
Dogma (collector's edition)
The Mummy
Firefly - the Complete Series
The reasons I don't have the sequels to The Mummy or the Matrix are because I didn't think they captured the interest or charm of the movies I do have. I really do need more that aren't in the scifi/fantasy category.
Posted by jenkins at 4:45 PM | Comments (0)
August 22, 2005
It’s a Lulu!
Does anyone know anything about Lulu? I heard about it on a This Week In Tech podcast (you hear that, Microsoft? Podcast!) — the company apparently started by a co-founder of Red Hat.
Thanks!
Posted by jenkins at 7:02 PM | Comments (0)
July 29, 2005
Bad Geek Pick-Up Lines
Not everyone is going to understand these, but believe me, they’re bad. Blame Dread Pirate Miss Kitty for them.
—-
Hey, I’d love to encapsulate my data in your procedures.
You’ve got a nice big bus; want to see how much ram I’ve got?
If you like my north-side bridge, you should check out my south-side bridge.
Are you on the FBI’s most wanted list? Because you’ve hacked the kernel of my heart.
Shh, baby, you don’t have to speak. I have command completion.
Posted by jenkins at 7:01 PM | Comments (2)
July 27, 2005
A Gut and Holy Nam
I don’t necessarily know where the people I know find these kinds of things, but they give them to me, and I share them with as many people as I can.
This one uses sound files to show you how the following conversation might have sounded in various points in history. It makes me wonder how it will sound a hundred years from now.
http://mercury.ccil.org/~cowan/gvs.html
Posted by jenkins at 9:34 PM | Comments (0)
May 9, 2005
A Moment of Zen
Thought of the Moment: “It takes all kinds. That’s me.”
Posted by jenkins at 1:31 AM | Comments (1)
February 24, 2005
“First Post”
Test — testing a few things. Well, I say “testing”, or possibly ‘testing’ … but them’s the breaks. — kj
Posted by jenkins at 12:18 AM