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November 11, 2005
Not-So Capsule Review: The Legend of Zorro
(For those unaware, sometimes I see a movie and want to either praise it or warn people about it, without - if possible - giving anything away. Plus, Stella tells me I don’t write enough.)
Synopsis:
Originally, I heard that this movie would be called Zorro’s Last Ride and I was pretty excited. I enjoyed the dark-suffering-into-something-better of the first movie, The Mask of Zorro, in much the same way that I enjoyed Batman Begins. I thought: Ahha, they’ve taken the story to the end, and we’ll see what kinds of troubles Zorro has in ending his career. That they changed the name of the movie to The Legend Of Zorro only suggests that a studio executive somewhere wants the option to continue the franchise.
The story is exactly that: What would make Zorro take off the mask for good?
The Good:
As far as I can tell, the movie's set and costuming is historically accurate, with a bit of Hollywood polish. Catherine Zeta-Jones is particularly fitting in them -- er, fits in them particularly well. Er, I mean, I like Catherine as an actress and respect her talent, when she bothers to give it. I liked it in The Mask of Zorro and I liked it here.
Antonio Banderas can probably stand around smoking a cigarette and be paid millions for being suave. In this movie, he gets drunk, despondent, angry, and comedic. He gets to be a caring father, a jealous husband and Zorro. It's not as deep or as intense as his first Zorro movie, but it's definitely, even definitively broader.
The Bad:
They've completely ignored the tone and theme of first movie. Forget you saw it, if you did. You'd be better off watching the classic Disney Zorro series to see what happened in the intervening years. What I'm saying here is that this is a family movie. (I didn't know! I swear I didn't know! Oh, God, why didn't anyone warn me?) There will be no Alejandro de la Vega standing atop a wall in his Zorro gear, in the rain, having lost everything, bleeding but still fighting on. Nope, no Dark Hero Symbolism we get in the first movie. None of it.
The Ugly:
The movie is confused as to what it really wants to be. It's like those movies that are really two TV shows thrown together and slapped on the screen. So you have three episodes of Antonio Banderas As Zorro slapped on the screen, apparently written by three different writers. Part One: Zorro v. Culture. Part Two: The Ugly West. Part Three: The Train Job. Worse than that, each part has a subtly different mood.
Defining Moment:
A drunk de la Vega sitting on a drunk horse, leaning both against a wall. This kind of thing, though rampant, was not played up near enough; don't people know slapstick is timeless? When you go comedy, go gold!
A close second was the introduction of Alejandro and Elena's son, Joaquin (pronounced "Wakeem", which confused my not-at-all-hispanic-cultured self until it was explained to me). Joaquin is a real life hero. Now we're building up an interesting mythos, something the movie itself, alas, fails to do.
Finally, the use of an obviously laser-printed symbol in an otherwise obviously hand-illuminated Bible page takes the cake as "worst use of art department ever". This is a very pretty movie to watch, which makes it all the more jarring.
Conclusion:
The Legend of Zorro is a dull, safe movie where not very exciting things happen to our daring heros. Elena (Mrs. Zorro) is not as daring as the ads make her out to be, but more daring than anything Disney would put out without being pushed. The number of deaths can be counted on one hand. I walked out of the theatre and almost immediately forgot what the movie was about.
As a family movie, however, The Legend of Zorro deserves five stars. It's safe without being too safe, calm without being too calm, and teaches rebellion as an acceptable way to either have fun or save the day. There is probably just enough black-and-white morality to make many parents happy, but enough gray to keep a kid thinking.
And not just about Zeta-Jones' corsets.
Posted by jenkins at 6:57 PM | Comments (1)
November 2, 2005
Scurvy
Today I am sick.
This happens every autumn, from as long as I can easily remember. Some autumns are better than others, but it always happens. Leaves dry, turn, fall, and it rains. And with the leaves, the rain and chill, my allergies begin. This manifests itself in a nasal drip that makes my throat raw. This lasts for about a week, my body gets over it and I’m fine. In the meantime I drink a lot of fluids in attempt to get it to stop.
When I was younger, my mother would try to cure this with an old recipe of Rum and Honey which I never really liked. To this day I have problems with a hot toddy, which is really too bad because I otherwise like the drink.
Part of what made the sore throats so bad was because I would invariably end up with a cold. My sore throat would turn into a flemmy throat, which would usually turn into a sinus-heavy head-cold. Again, all I need do is make it through a week and I’ll be fine.
But sometimes I get a fever. And sometimes I get the chills. And in extreme cases, like last year, I get bronchitis. I am, in truth, the sickly little kid, but all grown up and dealing with it. My brother has a friend with a disease where he does not heal from any wound, ever. Bones do not knit, punctures do not seal. I have to assume he stops bleeding because he’s still alive, and one of five people in America with this condition. So in the face of that, how can I complain?
But today, I am sick. This is my Fall Cold, and in a week I’ll be fine.
Posted by jenkins at 2:08 PM | Comments (0)
November 1, 2005
Pirate Prince, B.S.
Yes, it’s real. Just take a look.
As seen across time, or what should be across time, nearly ten years late.
Posted by jenkins at 5:30 PM | Comments (1)